


Change

by angel_authoress



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Coda, Communication, Episode: s02e12 You Are Not Your Own, Extended Scene, M/M, magnus needs space my dudes, post body-swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 21:29:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11193819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_authoress/pseuds/angel_authoress
Summary: 2x12 coda. Unless things change, this feeling he's having may not ever go away.





	Change

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: 2x12 coda, set after the body swap thing is resolved. 
> 
> man, I sure do love dying and being dead :)))))))))))
> 
> enjoy??

He's frozen. 

Frozen with what could only be fear.

Even in a body that was not his own, everything still felt so real, like it was happening to him all over again. The memories came forth in powerful waves, like a dam inside him had burst. Memories that he had long since repressed, memories that he could never forget but had worked so hard to bury so he could  _live._ And now... now he could see the face of his mother every time he closed his eyes. 

Alexander was close to him. Close enough to touch, but he knew the Shadowhunter wouldn't dare. Not unless Magnus told him it was okay to do so. 

It wasn't his fault. He knew that.

But the fact that the same man he had loved wasn't able to recognize that it was him tore him apart so badly that he wasn't sure where they stood anymore. 

"I'm sorry," Alec whispers. It's about the thousandth time that night that he's apologized, but they both know that there's nothing more that he can really do. 

Or, perhaps there's  _one thing._ One thing that they both knew needed to happen. 

"Alexander," Magnus chokes out, his voice thick with tears not yet shed, "I..." 

"Magnus... I... I don't know what to do for you. I don't want to leave you like this but... I have to be the last person you want to see right now... so please... please tell me what to do. Whatever it takes. I'll leave, I'll walk out and never come back if that's what makes you happy. If you... if being around me is too painful for you, then-" 

"Alexander, no, that's not it," Magnus insists. He takes Alec's hand and rubs the top of it with his thumb as a soothing gesture. "I just think... I need some time." 

Alec nods in understanding, though they both know he doesn't understand a thing about this whole situation. All Alec knows is that he wants to hold Magnus and never let him go, and if Magnus knew that, then he would probably let him. But Magnus has learned from experience that avoiding problems only makes them worse and he's  _so goddamn tired_ of running away. 

"Okay," Alec says, rising to his feet, "then I'll leave. Take as much time as you need. But-" 

And then Magnus, in his very usual, Magnus-like fashion, holds up a single finger to shush him. "Please don't say any more, Alec. If you say anything else, I'll start having second thoughts, and you and I both know that I  _can't..."_

Magnus can see Alec's heartbreak right in those hazel eyes of his, and it takes everything he has not to give in.

"Right," he replies shortly. "Can I... can I kiss you, at least?" 

Magnus offers him a smile. "Yes, of course you can." 

The kiss is chaste and restrained, but Alec pours everything he's feeling but can't say into it. When they separate Magnus feels like a tiny part of him might have just been healed. 

"Just," Alec says in a breathy voice, "call me. When you're ready. Can you promise me that?" 

"Yes," Magnus replies, "I'll call you." 

Alec walks towards the door, but pauses once more. "And Magnus?" 

"Yes?" 

"I want you to know... that I won't ever stop loving you. None of this has changed how I feel about you. But I know that... how you're feeling about me... might not be quite the same right now. So... just... be careful, okay? Um, don't be afraid to call if you need anything, and if not me, then Izzy or Jace will definitely help, alright?" 

Magnus nods. "I'll be fine, Alec. I promise." 

It takes every ounce of strength that Alec has to get out that door.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I might do a continuation of this to show how I'd like for this to get resolved. but the fandom seems to be in agreement that magnus needs time and I 100% support that so, here I am. is it angsty? hell yeah boi. i'm always a slut for angst lmao.


End file.
